So today I returned to Toddler Time in my mission to become a regular there! I was all excited, praying as I walked up that my new friend would be there. I was the first to arrive and sat expectantly, watching my crazy 1 year attempt to climb up the soft play steps (it really is quite a funny sight!!), but she didn't show.
And I felt alone. I felt isolated. I felt confused! Why had God answered my prayer last time but not this time?
And then all the other mums came in in their groups of 3, 4 or 5 and sat around tables drinking tea and chatting. They all looked so glamorous, so happy and there was no room for me in their groups. No-one noticed me, no-one spoke to me and it was crippling. All I want to do is to make friends and to help others, but they didn't care.
I am sure other mums have felt the same at mother and toddler groups - they can be quite clicky. This wasn't the first time that I have felt like this. I could almost physically feel the arrows of the devil being fired at me as thoughts of rejection circled around inside my head. I was tired and weak but then I remembered about my shield of faith.
Sometimes the spiritual battlefield creeps up on you. You are going about your everyday life and something that seems completely normal gets you down. Have you ever thought that there might be a spiritual element to it? In this very normal place, I could feel that spiritually satan was trying to bring me down so that I would decide not to keep going to Toddler Time. But with the help of this verse I was able to recognise this and to fight those thoughts:
"Take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one" Ephesians 6:16
You see, today was not the day that I built up a friendship, today I did not win another soul for Christ - but that doesn't mean that next week I won't or the week after that, or next year even! I know that God has put something in my heart to go along to Toddler Time and there is a reason for that - only God knows and the devil fears what it might be. Satan doesn't want me there - he wants me skulking on the sofa at home where I can't be light to the world. So today, despite feeling alone and rejected, I chose to reject those feelings and to instead choose to keep following God and his purposes for me at Toddler Time. Today I won on the battlefield and I raise my shield of faith in victory!!