So, that's it. The announcement has been made. Chris Grayling's preferred route for HS2 is the one that goes through my house and I can now officially apply for compensation and sell up to the government. But I don't feel any better. Actually, the announcement made is not what I was expecting - its less clear and means another year of uncertainty for us all here on our estate. They are still undecided about the Sheffield/South Yorkshire part of the route and will be doing lots of consulting on this with a firm decision to be made in 2017.
This morning I have spoken to almost every news outlet on the planet and I am exhausted by it all - but I wanted people to see what the impact was on normal people like me - the stress, the uncertainty and the loss of community.
I was chatting to some people at church on Sunday about how this is all like grief, but also not. People accept that you have to grieve when someone dies, but with news like this that you can't control it is not accepted that you might feel the same way. Why should you get as attached to a house and community as to a person? I feel the same emotions but its not acceptable to others to feel this way because I should just move on - after all it is just a house.
But here are my five stages of grief over HS2:
- denial - well this happened on the first day when I couldn't really believe what the letter through my door had said - there must have been some mistake that this was happening to me.
- anger - I know I have certainly felt this at various times! Mostly angry that if this was ever a possibility that this estate shouldn't have been allowed to be built. Angry that we have no clear information. Many others on the estate are really angry at Strata for not supporting us more and at HS2 employees for putting us in this situation.
- Bargaining - I guess this is probably what the campaigning has been all about for the last few months - trying to grasp at any straws that might change this outcome and make it different. I think I have come to the end of this and entered the next phase
- Depression - At the moment I feel completely hopeless with it all and resigned to the awful fact of having to move. I am not excited by this and the thought makes me really depressed. I am focusing on other things to try and get through this period.
- Acceptance - I know the day will come and I look forward to being able to accept what has happened, apply for compensation and start planning a new life somewhere else. But when there is still a small glimmer of hope that the consutation may change the outcome for us then I can't get here.
Sorry this has been a slightly depressing post - as usual I write how I am and how I am is slightly depressed today. But I guess to finish on a positive - I still have the joy of the Lord in my heart, because I know that he will work this out to his glory - wherever we end up and whatever happens this has been an opportunity to get closer to God and closer to others on the estate and I will always love that.
Labels: hs2, trains
